After Hurricane Irene

Hello All, I was walking the beach this morning.  Two days after Hurricane Irene hit.  While there were far fewer people than nornal, it overall seemed like business as usual.  Young tanned men showing off on surfboards for pretty girls, old guys like me with dark tans, big bellies and white wooly chest hair standing out against their brown skin -- wishing we could still impress the young!  Naked toddlers searching for shells and playing in the surf. 

You would hardly remember that two days ago the pier was shaking and battered by salt water and wind.  You would not think of the back yard fences that are laying still waiting to be revived or about the flooding that happened just a brief time ago.  I scarcely even wonder if the two foolish young men playing in the hurricane surf are alive and well or shark fodder. 

The truth is, I have no point to make here.  I am just happy that the world here is back to normal and I hope that everyone else's world gets back to normal too.  Please pray for those taking the brunt of the storm right now.  

Seagate Community Chapel

Recently Sea Gate Community Chapel here in Wilmington, NC published the sign above.  The gay community protested the sign and the attack on gay people.  From what the news reports, a protester later damaged the sign. 

This is one of those issues where both sides behaved badly and now both sides have to deal with the consequences.  Sea Gate Community Chapel takes no responsibility for their actions.  They claim only to 'love' gay people and to be concerned about them.  They were not attacking any group, they were simply expressing God's love in a dying world!

The Gay community on the other hand, has to deal with being stuck with responsibility for the person who damaged the sign.  And of course, everyone who opposes gay's will use the vandalism of the sign as a symbol of the lack of self control within the gay community.  The final justification will ultimately be that someone was expressing his ire at such an inflammatory message. 

Later a facebook exchange occurred between many church members and many members of the gay community, myself included.  There was the usual mix of  'judge not lest ye be judged' type comments, the banter back and forth of opposing minds, the uneducated on both sides claiming to know what God rightly intended for us and how He intends us to live our lives and all of the other rhetoric that both sides love so well. 

But sadly the chance of any real discourse was totally avoided and little if any real communication occurred.  So where are we now?  The church members are proudly proclaiming themselves martyr's for Christ, fighting the good fight and standing up against a sinful world and the gay community is claiming victory for standing unabashed in the face of their accuser's, hero's of the civil rights movement.  But at the end of the day, gays are still gay, bigots are still bigots, church people are still church people and nothing was gained by anyone.  Tomorrow the world will turn and nobody will really be any different.  

Difficult Decisions, life as an adult

Over the last few days, I have had to make a difficult decision.  I recently adopted a pet.  I was originally going to get a cat, but after a bad deal with an untrustworthy breeder, I decided to get a small dog that I believed would be perfect for me.  Sadly, the joy and delight I thought I would have with a little companion turned into a nightmare.  I have had to decide to re home Nicky.

Nicky is a beautiful Jack Russell mix.  He is wiry and lively and quite active.  He is cute and lovable and he moves constantly.  I however am a 54 year old man, I don't move constantly and while I love some activity, I also love some down time which Nicky has no concept of. 

I was also naive to think that taking him out first thing in the am, at noon and after work would be enough to give him exercise and time to take care of his needs.  I was not totally naive and I keep puppy pads for him while I am at work so he can use them while I am out.  Nicky also has a yard to play in so I let him out for a half hour or so here and there throughout the day.  For Nicky that is not a workable situation.  He does not like being in the yard and he will simply sit and bark until he is let back in the house no matter how pleasant the day.  He wants to walk on a leash (the yard simply will not do) and will refuse to 'potty' in the yard (he will only go if he is being walked), if I keep him in the yard he will hold it no matter how long he has been out and will then go on the floor to spite me when he comes in because I did not walk him. 

Another thing I did not anticipate is the amount of attention a younger dog like Nicky from a strong headed breed like Jack Russell would require.  He wants to be under foot every minute of the day.  If I am cooking, Nicky is at my feet, if I am brushing my teeth, Nicky is right below, if I am asleep, Nicky had his back pressed to my legs and if I order him off the bed, he lays below the bed waiting for the first sign of movement.  The other day I was talking to someone on the phone, the first 15 minutes I had not spent directly with him all day long, he kept sticking his face in mine until I ordered him off of me because he would not behave.  He was angry, looked me straight in the face and proceeded to urinate on the floor directly in front of me instead of going to his puppy pads to lodge his complaint. 

In the weeks that I have had him my life has literally been turned on end because I did not make a mature decision.  And now, both Nicky and I are paying for my bad judgment.  I of course have to deal with the emotional distress of having to re home Nicky, I have to deal with the loss of money invested in his purchase, vet bills and all of the peripherals to get my home ready for him.  And I have to deal with the shame of my poor decision.  Nicky has to deal with being alone a good deal of the time (at least until he gets a new home), he has to live with being in a home where he is not as appreciated as he should be and the trauma of a move to a new location yet again. 

I guess the moral of the story is to choose wisely and to be very vigilant before adopting a pet.  You are not only affecting your life, but the life of the animal.  I am hoping I can find him a home with another dog or children to play with.  Nicky is a good little guy and deserves the right home.  I am someone who cares for his pets and I deserve the right pet.  But my poor judgment is causing both of us more changes and drama.  Think before you act. 

Gay Marriage in NY

Hi All, I read an article from Time this morning that somewhat disturbed me. It was written by  Howard Chua-Eoan who implied that although we were granted the right to marry in NY, we will never be truly equal until all church groups recognize us and allow us to marry under the Church's spiritual covering.  I could not agree with someone less.  In fact, I think his attitude about religion is somewhat dangerous. 

What I mean is that I do not need a church to legitimize me as a human or as a Christian.  I also have no desire to make other people believe as I do.  I simply want to be allowed to be who I am wherever I am and to have the same rights as anyone else. 

While I understand that there are and will always be tugging in the hearts of men and women who want to marry to have the marriage pronounced within the safe and loving arms of an affirming congregation.  I also believe in the rights of the individual or group to believe as they want to.  I do not want to make the Church of Rome gay, I do not want to make the Baptist gay or the Nazarenes, or the Church of God or the Jews, the list goes on and on.  I simply want the right to live my life as I choose. 

Further, I believe that we are fortunate to live in a society where there are several alternate choices for the gay person who has a spiritual inclination.  We have denominations that openly affirm and accept glbt persons, we have groups like the MCC that make service to the gay community their primary ministry, there are new denominations like the ECC (Ecumenical Catholic Church) that are emerging to rebuild the church in they way God intended it to be.  All of these options allow us to follow our faith as we see fit without giving up our beliefs or traditions.  And while these groups are not available on every street corner yet, I am comforted to know that I am recognized fully as an equal human by them. 

As far as I am concerned, let the bigots be bigots.  As long as I am legally and fully recognized I don't care what they think.  And further, I don't want to be like them by trying to force them to accept my community in the same way that they try to force me to be straight.  I am perfectly happy to live next door to them and show them that gays and lesbians are not a side show, we are people who mow our lawns, take out the garbage and come home from work every night hoping to enjoy a little time out on the lawn with friends and family. 

In the Bible book of Romans (chapter 12) there is a scripture that says to treat your enemies well and by doing so you will be heaping coals of fire on them.  The intent of this scripture is to remind us that if we treat those who are brazen and ugly to us well, we stand out as decent human beings and cast light on their ugliness.  So instead of demanding they allow us to be equal in their congregations, I would rather live well in my community and treat them well.  The ugliness that they wear will be forced into the light and good people will see the error that church groups of that kind live with.   

Time for a change, the time is NOW!

It was time for a change. I loved my old background, but I needed something new to reflect the new way I have been feeling. 

Life has changed radically for me in the last few weeks and months.  I just know the positive intuition is more than just a feeling or passing phase.  It is a long term change in lifestyle and quality.  I am in a new chapter in my life and so far, I am loving turning the pages.  For the first time in probably about 30 years I feel like I am living and breathing again, like something new and exciting is around every corner. 

I am so grateful for my kids and for the friends who helped me survive this far!  But now I am beyond survival, I am living.  Every day is a new blessing with a new surprise and I am so excited to watch what happens next.  So welcome everyone, to the new look of my blog and the newest stage of my life!

Moving Day Still???

This is not my new place, but I do love this picture, somehow it rings true! OK, so I have officially moved into my new place as of last Saturday, today is Friday and I am still waist deep in boxes. I am not sure, but I think they multiply at night when I sleep. It seems that as soon as I unpack two boxes, three or four more show up. I have been throwing out things that I no longer need and the work just keeps on coming. I have promised myself that I will never be as out of touch with what I need to do as I am now again!

Life Changes

I have not moved quite this far, but I am by the sea!

I have been in the process of unpacking after a move. It has caused me a mix of sweet, bittersweet and just plain ugly memories. Before my move, much of what I owned was in storage, so opening each box was a new experience. In some I found little trinkets that my children gave me over the years, like the little sticky pad holder that says 'I "heart" daddy' or the needlepoint pillow made by one of my kids in class. But in other boxes I found reminders of the rough life I had to live, a blanket that was old and itchy and grayed when I got it and only got worse over time. Reminders of my divorce, reminders of poverty and reminders of life's little moments. Each and every package I open seems to have a little of my life tucked in. I find that the simple act of unpacking my boxes is walking me through the best and worst of my life. I have made it a point to keep some things and to throw others out, I don't need certain memories! Life goes on!

In Memorium

Monica and Syd

I just got word that a friend of mine chose to take his life. For me this is heartbreaking. We were friends several years ago at my workplace. He was one of the cool more popular guys but always had the decency and sensitivity to treat a nerd like me as if I was human and a true friend. While we were never close, he always treated me well and whenever I remember him, I will remember the sense of kindness and decency he had.

Syd married another friend of mine, Monika. They were such a lovely couple and Monika has been a friend for many years as well. Please if anyone reads this pray for Monika during this time. Syd also had two adult children who are in need of prayer right now.

The loss of a friend in this way leaves so many open questions for those left behind. Even now on a much smaller scale than those closer to him I find myself wondering if I could have done something to intervene, something to make his life worth keeping for one more day. Recently I have had a lot of blessings in my life and I have neglected to include Syd on email lists reporting them to my friends. Syd had been out of work and I did not want him to feel that someone was gloating while he was having a difficult time. Now I wonder if my blessings may have picked up his spirit a bit.

Please pray the God closely guard his family at this time and that they are given comfort beyond what we can recognize today.

And Syd, if your spirit can hear my heart right now I want you to know that someone here thought you were a wonderful man and will always remember you for the kindness you showed an outcast! I pray that God will show you the kindness you showed me in making your transition to your new life. You are missed and you will be missed.