Merry Christmas

Hello to all who may run accross this page, I just wanted to wish everyone a Very Merry Christmas and I hope that you are all blessed beyond your wildest imaginings this Holiday Season!

Thank the GOP, Yeah!

I just wanted to take a moment to thank the GOP for giving the rich extra privileges during this time of economic stress in America. They have once again shown their true colors, allowing the general public to suffer as they keep the rich from paying adequate taxes. A typical GOP strategy, line the pockets of the rich at the expense of the poor and middle class. Any decent government party would have sucked it up and assumed the responsibility to pay a bit more to help America through this hard time. But not the GOP, their 'let them eat cake' attitude is one of many conservative strategies that is ruining our country. When will these losers see that they are no better than anyone else and drop their elitist attitudes? If they paid their fair share of taxes instead of granting themselves loopholes and tax cuts, we would have enough to go around! But instead they hoard the wealth and let the poor man suffer. Thanks so much my republican friends, because of you, my grandchildren will be paying for this mess years from now, but it's worth it to keep your Bentley's rolling, isn't it!

Impressed with Obama!

Hello All,

It has been months since I posted anything here. But tonight I just wanted to say how much I admire President Obama.

I am in my 50's now and President Obama is the first president since my childhood who has made such a deep and memorable impression on me. First, I have been impressed with the level of Class and Intellect that he has brought back to the white house. I do not believe that we as a people have seen that in many years and for me it is a welcome trait that I hope we see more of. Next, I am impressed that his attitude has remained so positive even after all of the flack that he has taken since he was first elected. In the short time that he has been president, he has been tasked with the nearly impossible job of cleaning up what our previous administration left us with. And while many memories seem to run short, I will take just a moment to remind you that the last administration spent more than all other American presidents ever, combined. And he did so in a time when we were running at a surplus! I am also impressed with his down to earth personable attitude. I can not imagine how a man of such dignity and intellect can still hold such a warm friendly and welcoming attitude towards those of us who are or have been less fortunate.

I can only hope that future administrations will take on the task of bringing class back to America and to the Presidency as he has.

Just my short blip because I am feeling a moment of pride and don't want to let that pass.

Thank you Mr. President

Labor Day Monday

Hey All,

Just a quick note to wish everyone a Happy Labor Day. Give yourselves a pat on the back because we employees are the reason American business is able to stay afloat. In these hard times, I know many are grateful just to have a job. And don't forget to take a moment to remember those less fortunate this weekend. It would be a good time for a donation to a local food bank or shelter!

Have a happy and safe holiday!

Mickey

Just tired of the crap!

Today started like a normal day. I did some laundry, wrote notes to a few friends and got up and around and cleaned up. I had plans with a friend for noon. I was running a bit late (about 3-5 minutes) but I showed up at my 'friends' place. Much to my surprise and shock, I was greeted as if I was some sort of alien and as if we had no plans. To make matters worse, he was just plain rude about it as if we were strangers or enemies. I was so taken back that I apologized and walked back to my car wounded like a beaten puppy. We even took the time to confirm our plans yesterday and all was good. I find myself wondering did I miss some social que along the way.

About the 'friendship' the answer is easy. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. He was given a chance as a friend and he is now off the list. No problem there.

But as the emotional part goes I am shattered. I thought this was a normal decent person. I have always treated him well and in the short time we have known each other we have not had any bad blood of any kind to speak of. Hell, we haven't known each other long enough to have any damage to our friendship. I find myself wondering what kind of character defect I have that makes people believe that they can pretend to be my friend one day and treat me as if I were human trash the next.

The sane adult part of me says don't worry, this is obviously a flawed character. Whatever is going on has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. But the injured child inside is sitting in the corner, eyes down, crying and wondering why he is not good enough for the world.

Sometimes I just wish there was someone bigger and stronger to protect me in times like this, but this is real life, we just have to struggle through! But at least there is one revenge, wherever he goes, he is there and will have to live with who he is and what he does. I only wish I could watch!

A Safe Place and Easter....Huh?

Hi All.  This weekend I have had several wake up calls that have made me question just what I did to be where I am today.  I find that I am not completely able to comprehend it all, but I am working to make the best of the messages I have received over the last few days.  

Probably the biggest revelation of the week was discovering at 53 years old that I have never lived in a place where I felt safe.   It seems that I have either been in a monetarily stable place with the wrong people, I have been too monetarily instable to feel at ease, or worst of all, I have experienced both at once.  But I have never lived in a place where I have had the whole package at once.  

As a child I lived in a home with an alcoholic father and a hormonal, abusive mother.  To make matters worse, I was the youngest of the family and sort of an outcast.  My closest sibling was 7 years older than I.  Add to that the fact that I was chubby and smart and you have a perfect brew for an insecure maladjusted mess.  

Then I made it out of there and off to college.  I chose a religious college, not the best place for a young gay man to be.  In fact, probably the worst place of all.  I constantly felt as though my secret would be exposed and I would once again be the outcast and the villain. I knew that I could not live the kind of life they prescribed for me, but I believed what I was taught as a young man and I really thought that if I had enough of God and prayer in my life I would be made whole.  I was not, I was just a gay young man in a bad situation.  

Than I moved to New York as a young adult.  I was so excited and for the first time in my life I was in a place where nobody looked at me like I had a spare head growing off of my shoulders.  I was alive and happy and for the first time, I was feeling like I had a purpose in life.  The different ways and peoples and cultures made me feel at home and safe for a brief time.  But my old insecurities got the best of me and I got involved with some strictly religious fundamentalist and allowed myself to be taken down the road that I knew so well from the past.  

I started to worship in a fundamentalist type of church and started to hate myself again.  I refused to acknowledge who I am and lived in deeper denial than ever before about who I was and who I would become.  I lived in constant fear of being exposed and being held up as a symbol of evil and sin.  After all, I could never be good enough or straight enough to please these chosen children of God, could I.  

Later, I made my biggest mistake of all and married a deeply troubled hormonal abusive woman.  (sound familiar?)  Yes, it's true, for all intents and purposes, I married my mother.  I literally scoured the earth until I found a woman who could actually rival my mother's neuroses and ability to abuse.  She would even go one step further by being the laziest sloth on the planet.

While my mother may have been a troubled woman,  she did her best to care for her home and family with the resources that she had.  And my mother got help as she got older and grew in grace.  In fact, today she is one of the most kind and loving individuals that I know.

Unfortunately, my children's' mother simply embraced the role of Bitch Goddess of the Universe and worked hard to make it her starring role in life, second only to her role as victim to all things. She made it her business to create heartache and turmoil wherever she goes.  Even as I write this, she is preparing to move into a new home that she has purchased for herself and openly brags that she will walk out of her fathers property (the fourth home in a row that the man has purchased for her) without giving him any notice or cleaning up.  Great example for our young adult kids, isn't she?  

But I digress, back to my point. I married someone who made me feel unsafe in my home again and I stayed in the unsafe situation.  After several years and one too many physical attacks from my beloved, I decided to call it quits and I left her.  I would rather be alone and gay than to try to live a life to please God that required faithfulness to Atilla the Hun in the flesh!  And while I did not divorce her, I left and was perfectly happy to stay away.  

After the divorce, my life began to transform.  But I ended up trading one kind of unsafe for another.  Now I was away from the demons that literally daily tormented me, I was away from being physically and mentally abused.  But I lived in worse poverty than I had ever known.  I moved from place to place trying to survive and I age five pound bags of rice to hold me from paycheck to paycheck.  I would buy regular groceries and enjoy real meals for the weekends when my kids were with me and the rest of the time I would live off of plain white rice seasoned with salt if I could afford the extra that week.  

I was fortunate to have good friends and family who would send lots of meals and treats my way during those first two years after the divorce.  They made it possible for me to have weekday treats of full meals at times and to get the occasional night out.  Otherwise, I would never have survived.  

The challenges in my life changed radically.  I no longer lived with anyone who was physically hitting me or who was abusing me.  I did not have to deal with anyone who would degrade me for sport or to have tolerate any negative attitude at all in my home. I lived at peace with myself and that was a treat I had never experienced in my life.  But it came at a substantial price.  

Fortunately over the years life has gotten a lot easier.  I can now enjoy both eating meals and having a reasonable degree of peace in my home.  I can not say I have a safe situation, in fact, my lifestyle is quite fragile and could easily fall apart fast under the right conditions.  I am quite grateful for what I have even if it is a long shot from what I would consider ideal!  

My DMV Trip

Hi All. Today I made my annual pilgrimage to the DMV here in Chesapeake Virginia. It started off like a normal day. In fact, It is sunny and bright here and I was quite happy to see that the lines were reasonable and the people at the facility were nice. (Which by the way destroys my theory that they are not paid by the hour, but rather are compensated by how many people they can piss off in a day....but that's another story!) I got my license renewal and photo and went to pay for my tags, two years mind you so I don't have to go back next year. Life was good. And then it happened. When I went to make my payment I discovered that the city of Norfolk (did I mention I live in Chesapeake) had decided to put a hold on my license and registration because I did not pay them taxes for the time I lived in Chesapeake. Norfolk claimed that they did not know that I lived in Chesapeake. I countered that they had sent the original bill to me in Chesapeake at my address and when I called them back when it happened and asked about it they told me to ignore it as it was sent in error. They even admitted that my Chesapeake address was the address on file! They assured me that it would all be taken care of in just a half hour or so. I got very upset. I already waited for my turn in line at the DMV and now I am sitting here waiting for some bureaucrat to correct their error and all I have to do is wait another 30 minutes for no reason. It did not take them 30 minutes to screw up my life! They were even warned ahead when I called and said I was billed in error and they still did not correct the problem. Their representative then put me on hold and never came back. I got upset and called in asking to speak to their supervisor. The supervisor assured me that the correction was in and I could get my tags, so much for the 30 minute wait. But you know what set me off more than anything. I never once got an apology from anyone in Norfolk for their mistake. They treated my case as if they were entitled to screw with peoples lives and acted like it was my civil duty to just tolerate being treated poorly and being ignored. Even when I pointed out the the supervisor how lacking his employee was in social skills and how poorly I was treated, he simply corrected the problem and dismissed me without any attempt to be kind and accept responsibility for their actions. I have decided not to let this drop. I will be sending an email and a letter to the city of Norfolk demanding an apology and I will make sure everyone I know is aware how the city of Norfolk treats people!

PS, the car in the pic is not mine, but I can dream, can't I? Just like I dream of being treated well by Norfolk employees! hahahahahaa