It's the little things.  Today while walking the beach I found an intact conch shell.  Usually I find clam shells, oyster shells, capiz (spelling?) and assorted broken shells.  So this one shell stands out and it is a new treasure in my collection of sea stuff to use for crafts.  The incident made my day because sometimes it's the little things that happen that adjust your attitude for the rest of the day.  Finding this was sort of a needle in a haystack.  But it's a reminder that sometimes it happens, sometimes you get the needle that is hidden.  Today was my turn!

Garden Variety Coward(s)

At this point in time my thoughts on the Boston terror attack are quite simple.  Whoever did this, whatever their cause, they are simply garden variety cowards and that's all they amount to.  I am not ignoring the impact of what they have done.  But whatever they are 'fighting' for they have simply missed the mark.  They hide like cowards and hurt the innocent.  Not daring to fight a true war and bear the consequences of their attacks.  They live among us using American freedom to purchase the goods they use to hurt and maim and then they hide in the crowd and watch as people suffer.  They pretend to be our friends and good neighbors only to stab us in the back because they do not have the courage to show their faces and to be recognized for what they are.  I have no respect or empathy for them.  I can only hope and pray that the suffering they caused comes back to them many, many times over. 

HAPPY EASTER ALL

I hope your Easter is blessed and filled with Joy as we remember this most high of all Christian Holidays!  And may the coming year be more blessed and prosperous than the last!

Finally made 250

Finally hit the 250 pound point in late December but did not put out a new pic until now.  I am wearing the same shirt I was in the last pic and you can see it is no longer stretched tight over my stomach.  I had to get rid of those pants and my belt because they would not hold any longer and would literally fall off without me holding them up.  I have lost three pant sizes and I have three more to go just to get to my weight range.  But I am not giving up!  I have since lost a few more pounds, but I will not be publishing another picture until I hit my next goal, hopefully it will be published soon.  Here I am at 250:

One guys weight loss journey

Me at 300 pounds
 

Here I am at 275 pounds

This picture was taken when I reached 265 pounds
 

A few months back I launched a weight loss journey.  I had reached over 300 pounds, 307 at my doctors office to be exact (and that is subtracting 5 pounds for the clothes I was wearing).  The truth is I was miserable.  And to make matters worse unthinking and uncaring people would make me feel defeated.  My own mother looked at me on several occasions and said 'Oh my God, look at that, I have never seen anything like that'.  As if I could not hear her speak or could not feel what it is like to have your own mother refer to you as some sort of side show freak.  Over a period of several months, I lost a few pounds and went from 307 down to 300, but that was hardly enough weight to show any serious commitment to losing the fat.  Around the June/July time frame my son told me that he was doing a low carb diet and proudly reported how much he had lost.  I had done low carbs before many years ago when I went on the original Atkins diet.  At the time the original diet was very strict and allowed nothing but meats and cheese for the first several weeks.  I had very adverse body responses to it and became nauseated every time I even smelled meat cooking.  So I was reluctant to try it again.  However my son assured me that low carb diets are not the way they used to be and I should give it another shot.  He suggested a book he had read and even bought me a copy for fathers day.  I decided to give it a try.  I was a bit scared at first, but I tried and the effects were tremendous!  I was able to lose weight quickly and effectively without feeling like I was starving or depriving myself of anything.  Yes, there is still lots of meat and cheese, but I also get a nice variety of green veggies and I don't go without sweet treats!  I am not craving anything and I feel so much better.  I have gone from 300 to 257.5 in just under 4 months and I have been eating good healthy amounts.  A total loss of 42.5 pounds!  Woo Hoo!  While it was not effortless it was fairly easy and some might expect me to gain on the amount that I am able to eat.  My next goal is to make it to the 50 pound loss mark by Christmas of this year!  I intend to post the next pic of me after having lost 50 pounds soon, so stand by!  I invite you to share my experience, I need you to cheer me on and I hope you will be encouraged to go forward with whatever adjustment you are wanting to make in your life!

Mickey

My Friend Henry

A few days back my son graduated from Christopher Newport University.  While the ceremony was going on I had one of my grand son's on my lap.  Aiden is 2 1/2 and he was enjoying playing games on my phone.  When we had the opportunity to chat, I told him about my lizard friend who visits my porch daily.  I told him how Henry (my lizard friend) likes to climb up on the porch and crawl into my plants so he can eat all of the bugs in them.  He did not seem particularly interested but was as charming and sweet as ever.  I don't get to see my grand children as often as I would like because we live in different states.  As the day went on, we had a dinner celebration for my son, then we hung out at his home with some of his friends, then Aiden's mom had an allergic reaction to something and we needed to take her to the hospital to get checked out.  At the end of the day after so many hours of visiting and chat it was time to say good bye.  I was leaving for my home the next day and it was the last time I would see Aiden before I went home.  Out of nowhere he said to me.  "Pepere, when I come to visit, can I see your lizard friend on your porch and will he hide in the plants and eat bugs?"  I was just amazed that he remembered and it was important to him.  So I took a couple of pictures of Henry (It could even be Henrietta, I don't know how to tell for sure, lol) for my little sweetheart.  I thought I would share them here for anyone who might enjoy meeting Henry!







Today is a sad day in North Carolina

Last night, the bigots in our state won a legal battle to ensure that gay marriage is not allowed by enshrining their doctrine in out state constitution.  I read an article first thing this morning with a quote from Tony Perkins, he is a gay hater who has been very active in ensuring that gays are marginalized and have fewer rights than he and his right wing cronies have.  The quote begins with "Despite the relentless lawsuits and attempts to marginalize supporters of traditional marriage, a clear majority of the American people have not given up on standing in support of marriage".  http://www.cnn.com/2012/05/09/politics/north-carolina-marriage/index.html?hpt=hp_c1  I would like to offer a challenge to Mr Perkins, and a simple challenge at that.  Please tell me what efforts have been made to 'marginalize'.  The invitation is plain and simple.  Am I marginalizing you to ask that I be treated equally?  Am I marginalizing you to ask that the lgbt community is allowed to have equal rights?  How are you marginalized by others having equal rights?  Has the black community caused you to feel marginalized since they dropped the Jim Crow laws and established equal footing?  Have women caused you to feel marginalized since they now enjoy the vote and equal pay for equal performance?  Does being mainstream mean that your opinions in society are always recognized first and foremost regardless of their effect on others? 

The fact is Mr Perkins (and all the others like you) that you have not been marginalized at all.  You have used your power and influence to ensure that another American group is denied equality.  Hardly a sign of a person or group who has been marginalized.  You cry that you have been marginalized, how Mr Perkins?  What has been taken from you?  How have you been made to suffer?  Where is the cross of inequality that you bear? 

The truth is that you have not been marginalized at all.  Now let's talk about how the 'clear majority' of the people of North Carolina has marginalized the lgbt community.  Bigot adults (in case I am unclear using the words bigot adults, I am referencing you and those like you Mr Perkins) are allowed to marry and have families, the lgbt can not.  Bigot adults get tax breaks as families and benefits such as medical insurance, the lgbt does not.  Bigot adults can make decisions regarding the status of their spouse if they are terminally ill and hospitalized, the lgbt can not even ensure they will be allowed to visit their spouse in the hospital no matter how long they have been together.  Bigot adults can make funeral arrangements for their loved ones, they can also make final arrangements for their gay family members, even if the gay person did not want what they decide on and without the consent of the gay person's spouse.  And bigot adults can even walk in and take away homes, savings and assets earned by gay partners should one die, while only recognizing the surviving partner as a long time room mate.  And after death, bigot spouses can claim benefits such as survivor pension benefits for their partners, the lgbt can not.  And these are only a few of the rights denied to the lgbt. 

You see Mr Perkins, there is a marginalization of Americans going on.  But you are not the victim, you are the perpetrator.  You want to ensure that people like myself are not able to be treated as human beings, you want us kept locked away  in a corner and you want us living in fear of your power.  But I can assure you that you do not scare us, you and those like you will not keep us quiet.  You will not rob this gay man of his dignity and you will not stop my community from coming forward and being recognized. 

And on a final note, please don't tell me how intolerant I am because I don't agree with you.  The difference between you and I is simple.  I am perfectly willing to live side by side with the heterosexual community, even side by side with bigots like yourself in peace and harmony.  You on the other hand want to do everything in your power to eradicate people like me and to ensure that we are never treated equally as Americans.  The fact is that if I am living with the man next door to you or married to the man next door to you there is no effect whatsoever on your life.  The lack of tolerance here is squarely placed on your side of that political fence.

After Hurricane Irene

Hello All, I was walking the beach this morning.  Two days after Hurricane Irene hit.  While there were far fewer people than nornal, it overall seemed like business as usual.  Young tanned men showing off on surfboards for pretty girls, old guys like me with dark tans, big bellies and white wooly chest hair standing out against their brown skin -- wishing we could still impress the young!  Naked toddlers searching for shells and playing in the surf. 

You would hardly remember that two days ago the pier was shaking and battered by salt water and wind.  You would not think of the back yard fences that are laying still waiting to be revived or about the flooding that happened just a brief time ago.  I scarcely even wonder if the two foolish young men playing in the hurricane surf are alive and well or shark fodder. 

The truth is, I have no point to make here.  I am just happy that the world here is back to normal and I hope that everyone else's world gets back to normal too.  Please pray for those taking the brunt of the storm right now.  

Seagate Community Chapel

Recently Sea Gate Community Chapel here in Wilmington, NC published the sign above.  The gay community protested the sign and the attack on gay people.  From what the news reports, a protester later damaged the sign. 

This is one of those issues where both sides behaved badly and now both sides have to deal with the consequences.  Sea Gate Community Chapel takes no responsibility for their actions.  They claim only to 'love' gay people and to be concerned about them.  They were not attacking any group, they were simply expressing God's love in a dying world!

The Gay community on the other hand, has to deal with being stuck with responsibility for the person who damaged the sign.  And of course, everyone who opposes gay's will use the vandalism of the sign as a symbol of the lack of self control within the gay community.  The final justification will ultimately be that someone was expressing his ire at such an inflammatory message. 

Later a facebook exchange occurred between many church members and many members of the gay community, myself included.  There was the usual mix of  'judge not lest ye be judged' type comments, the banter back and forth of opposing minds, the uneducated on both sides claiming to know what God rightly intended for us and how He intends us to live our lives and all of the other rhetoric that both sides love so well. 

But sadly the chance of any real discourse was totally avoided and little if any real communication occurred.  So where are we now?  The church members are proudly proclaiming themselves martyr's for Christ, fighting the good fight and standing up against a sinful world and the gay community is claiming victory for standing unabashed in the face of their accuser's, hero's of the civil rights movement.  But at the end of the day, gays are still gay, bigots are still bigots, church people are still church people and nothing was gained by anyone.  Tomorrow the world will turn and nobody will really be any different.  

Difficult Decisions, life as an adult

Over the last few days, I have had to make a difficult decision.  I recently adopted a pet.  I was originally going to get a cat, but after a bad deal with an untrustworthy breeder, I decided to get a small dog that I believed would be perfect for me.  Sadly, the joy and delight I thought I would have with a little companion turned into a nightmare.  I have had to decide to re home Nicky.

Nicky is a beautiful Jack Russell mix.  He is wiry and lively and quite active.  He is cute and lovable and he moves constantly.  I however am a 54 year old man, I don't move constantly and while I love some activity, I also love some down time which Nicky has no concept of. 

I was also naive to think that taking him out first thing in the am, at noon and after work would be enough to give him exercise and time to take care of his needs.  I was not totally naive and I keep puppy pads for him while I am at work so he can use them while I am out.  Nicky also has a yard to play in so I let him out for a half hour or so here and there throughout the day.  For Nicky that is not a workable situation.  He does not like being in the yard and he will simply sit and bark until he is let back in the house no matter how pleasant the day.  He wants to walk on a leash (the yard simply will not do) and will refuse to 'potty' in the yard (he will only go if he is being walked), if I keep him in the yard he will hold it no matter how long he has been out and will then go on the floor to spite me when he comes in because I did not walk him. 

Another thing I did not anticipate is the amount of attention a younger dog like Nicky from a strong headed breed like Jack Russell would require.  He wants to be under foot every minute of the day.  If I am cooking, Nicky is at my feet, if I am brushing my teeth, Nicky is right below, if I am asleep, Nicky had his back pressed to my legs and if I order him off the bed, he lays below the bed waiting for the first sign of movement.  The other day I was talking to someone on the phone, the first 15 minutes I had not spent directly with him all day long, he kept sticking his face in mine until I ordered him off of me because he would not behave.  He was angry, looked me straight in the face and proceeded to urinate on the floor directly in front of me instead of going to his puppy pads to lodge his complaint. 

In the weeks that I have had him my life has literally been turned on end because I did not make a mature decision.  And now, both Nicky and I are paying for my bad judgment.  I of course have to deal with the emotional distress of having to re home Nicky, I have to deal with the loss of money invested in his purchase, vet bills and all of the peripherals to get my home ready for him.  And I have to deal with the shame of my poor decision.  Nicky has to deal with being alone a good deal of the time (at least until he gets a new home), he has to live with being in a home where he is not as appreciated as he should be and the trauma of a move to a new location yet again. 

I guess the moral of the story is to choose wisely and to be very vigilant before adopting a pet.  You are not only affecting your life, but the life of the animal.  I am hoping I can find him a home with another dog or children to play with.  Nicky is a good little guy and deserves the right home.  I am someone who cares for his pets and I deserve the right pet.  But my poor judgment is causing both of us more changes and drama.  Think before you act. 

Gay Marriage in NY

Hi All, I read an article from Time this morning that somewhat disturbed me. It was written by  Howard Chua-Eoan who implied that although we were granted the right to marry in NY, we will never be truly equal until all church groups recognize us and allow us to marry under the Church's spiritual covering.  I could not agree with someone less.  In fact, I think his attitude about religion is somewhat dangerous. 

What I mean is that I do not need a church to legitimize me as a human or as a Christian.  I also have no desire to make other people believe as I do.  I simply want to be allowed to be who I am wherever I am and to have the same rights as anyone else. 

While I understand that there are and will always be tugging in the hearts of men and women who want to marry to have the marriage pronounced within the safe and loving arms of an affirming congregation.  I also believe in the rights of the individual or group to believe as they want to.  I do not want to make the Church of Rome gay, I do not want to make the Baptist gay or the Nazarenes, or the Church of God or the Jews, the list goes on and on.  I simply want the right to live my life as I choose. 

Further, I believe that we are fortunate to live in a society where there are several alternate choices for the gay person who has a spiritual inclination.  We have denominations that openly affirm and accept glbt persons, we have groups like the MCC that make service to the gay community their primary ministry, there are new denominations like the ECC (Ecumenical Catholic Church) that are emerging to rebuild the church in they way God intended it to be.  All of these options allow us to follow our faith as we see fit without giving up our beliefs or traditions.  And while these groups are not available on every street corner yet, I am comforted to know that I am recognized fully as an equal human by them. 

As far as I am concerned, let the bigots be bigots.  As long as I am legally and fully recognized I don't care what they think.  And further, I don't want to be like them by trying to force them to accept my community in the same way that they try to force me to be straight.  I am perfectly happy to live next door to them and show them that gays and lesbians are not a side show, we are people who mow our lawns, take out the garbage and come home from work every night hoping to enjoy a little time out on the lawn with friends and family. 

In the Bible book of Romans (chapter 12) there is a scripture that says to treat your enemies well and by doing so you will be heaping coals of fire on them.  The intent of this scripture is to remind us that if we treat those who are brazen and ugly to us well, we stand out as decent human beings and cast light on their ugliness.  So instead of demanding they allow us to be equal in their congregations, I would rather live well in my community and treat them well.  The ugliness that they wear will be forced into the light and good people will see the error that church groups of that kind live with.   

Time for a change, the time is NOW!

It was time for a change. I loved my old background, but I needed something new to reflect the new way I have been feeling. 

Life has changed radically for me in the last few weeks and months.  I just know the positive intuition is more than just a feeling or passing phase.  It is a long term change in lifestyle and quality.  I am in a new chapter in my life and so far, I am loving turning the pages.  For the first time in probably about 30 years I feel like I am living and breathing again, like something new and exciting is around every corner. 

I am so grateful for my kids and for the friends who helped me survive this far!  But now I am beyond survival, I am living.  Every day is a new blessing with a new surprise and I am so excited to watch what happens next.  So welcome everyone, to the new look of my blog and the newest stage of my life!

Moving Day Still???

This is not my new place, but I do love this picture, somehow it rings true! OK, so I have officially moved into my new place as of last Saturday, today is Friday and I am still waist deep in boxes. I am not sure, but I think they multiply at night when I sleep. It seems that as soon as I unpack two boxes, three or four more show up. I have been throwing out things that I no longer need and the work just keeps on coming. I have promised myself that I will never be as out of touch with what I need to do as I am now again!

Life Changes

I have not moved quite this far, but I am by the sea!

I have been in the process of unpacking after a move. It has caused me a mix of sweet, bittersweet and just plain ugly memories. Before my move, much of what I owned was in storage, so opening each box was a new experience. In some I found little trinkets that my children gave me over the years, like the little sticky pad holder that says 'I "heart" daddy' or the needlepoint pillow made by one of my kids in class. But in other boxes I found reminders of the rough life I had to live, a blanket that was old and itchy and grayed when I got it and only got worse over time. Reminders of my divorce, reminders of poverty and reminders of life's little moments. Each and every package I open seems to have a little of my life tucked in. I find that the simple act of unpacking my boxes is walking me through the best and worst of my life. I have made it a point to keep some things and to throw others out, I don't need certain memories! Life goes on!

In Memorium

Monica and Syd

I just got word that a friend of mine chose to take his life. For me this is heartbreaking. We were friends several years ago at my workplace. He was one of the cool more popular guys but always had the decency and sensitivity to treat a nerd like me as if I was human and a true friend. While we were never close, he always treated me well and whenever I remember him, I will remember the sense of kindness and decency he had.

Syd married another friend of mine, Monika. They were such a lovely couple and Monika has been a friend for many years as well. Please if anyone reads this pray for Monika during this time. Syd also had two adult children who are in need of prayer right now.

The loss of a friend in this way leaves so many open questions for those left behind. Even now on a much smaller scale than those closer to him I find myself wondering if I could have done something to intervene, something to make his life worth keeping for one more day. Recently I have had a lot of blessings in my life and I have neglected to include Syd on email lists reporting them to my friends. Syd had been out of work and I did not want him to feel that someone was gloating while he was having a difficult time. Now I wonder if my blessings may have picked up his spirit a bit.

Please pray the God closely guard his family at this time and that they are given comfort beyond what we can recognize today.

And Syd, if your spirit can hear my heart right now I want you to know that someone here thought you were a wonderful man and will always remember you for the kindness you showed an outcast! I pray that God will show you the kindness you showed me in making your transition to your new life. You are missed and you will be missed.

Merry Christmas

Hello to all who may run accross this page, I just wanted to wish everyone a Very Merry Christmas and I hope that you are all blessed beyond your wildest imaginings this Holiday Season!

Thank the GOP, Yeah!

I just wanted to take a moment to thank the GOP for giving the rich extra privileges during this time of economic stress in America. They have once again shown their true colors, allowing the general public to suffer as they keep the rich from paying adequate taxes. A typical GOP strategy, line the pockets of the rich at the expense of the poor and middle class. Any decent government party would have sucked it up and assumed the responsibility to pay a bit more to help America through this hard time. But not the GOP, their 'let them eat cake' attitude is one of many conservative strategies that is ruining our country. When will these losers see that they are no better than anyone else and drop their elitist attitudes? If they paid their fair share of taxes instead of granting themselves loopholes and tax cuts, we would have enough to go around! But instead they hoard the wealth and let the poor man suffer. Thanks so much my republican friends, because of you, my grandchildren will be paying for this mess years from now, but it's worth it to keep your Bentley's rolling, isn't it!

Impressed with Obama!

Hello All,

It has been months since I posted anything here. But tonight I just wanted to say how much I admire President Obama.

I am in my 50's now and President Obama is the first president since my childhood who has made such a deep and memorable impression on me. First, I have been impressed with the level of Class and Intellect that he has brought back to the white house. I do not believe that we as a people have seen that in many years and for me it is a welcome trait that I hope we see more of. Next, I am impressed that his attitude has remained so positive even after all of the flack that he has taken since he was first elected. In the short time that he has been president, he has been tasked with the nearly impossible job of cleaning up what our previous administration left us with. And while many memories seem to run short, I will take just a moment to remind you that the last administration spent more than all other American presidents ever, combined. And he did so in a time when we were running at a surplus! I am also impressed with his down to earth personable attitude. I can not imagine how a man of such dignity and intellect can still hold such a warm friendly and welcoming attitude towards those of us who are or have been less fortunate.

I can only hope that future administrations will take on the task of bringing class back to America and to the Presidency as he has.

Just my short blip because I am feeling a moment of pride and don't want to let that pass.

Thank you Mr. President

Labor Day Monday

Hey All,

Just a quick note to wish everyone a Happy Labor Day. Give yourselves a pat on the back because we employees are the reason American business is able to stay afloat. In these hard times, I know many are grateful just to have a job. And don't forget to take a moment to remember those less fortunate this weekend. It would be a good time for a donation to a local food bank or shelter!

Have a happy and safe holiday!

Mickey

Just tired of the crap!

Today started like a normal day. I did some laundry, wrote notes to a few friends and got up and around and cleaned up. I had plans with a friend for noon. I was running a bit late (about 3-5 minutes) but I showed up at my 'friends' place. Much to my surprise and shock, I was greeted as if I was some sort of alien and as if we had no plans. To make matters worse, he was just plain rude about it as if we were strangers or enemies. I was so taken back that I apologized and walked back to my car wounded like a beaten puppy. We even took the time to confirm our plans yesterday and all was good. I find myself wondering did I miss some social que along the way.

About the 'friendship' the answer is easy. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. He was given a chance as a friend and he is now off the list. No problem there.

But as the emotional part goes I am shattered. I thought this was a normal decent person. I have always treated him well and in the short time we have known each other we have not had any bad blood of any kind to speak of. Hell, we haven't known each other long enough to have any damage to our friendship. I find myself wondering what kind of character defect I have that makes people believe that they can pretend to be my friend one day and treat me as if I were human trash the next.

The sane adult part of me says don't worry, this is obviously a flawed character. Whatever is going on has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. But the injured child inside is sitting in the corner, eyes down, crying and wondering why he is not good enough for the world.

Sometimes I just wish there was someone bigger and stronger to protect me in times like this, but this is real life, we just have to struggle through! But at least there is one revenge, wherever he goes, he is there and will have to live with who he is and what he does. I only wish I could watch!